I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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