Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
