She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
