That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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