Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
