he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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