Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
