She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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