i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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