fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
