I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
