cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize