it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
