I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
