I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
