She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
