Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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