Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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