covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
