y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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