i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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