We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
