That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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