He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
