A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
