Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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