well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
