let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
