i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
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