I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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