he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
