I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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