I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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