You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
