I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
