hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
