So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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