I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
