stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
