i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
