i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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