Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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