Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
