It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
