Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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