i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
