I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had to cum in my sink.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
