something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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