i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
