I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
