please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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