my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
