Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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