So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
