he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
