my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
