its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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