why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
