Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
