we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
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Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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