I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
